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Sleep ParalysisThe demon visited me once again today.

Yes, today. Not tonight or the night before or after; times you’d think a demon would be out. This demon knows no such boundaries, it would seem, and so it usually visits me in the morning.

I lay in bed, having woken up much earlier than I wanted or needed to, with my eyes shut in hopes of remedying the situation. My body relaxed several times, and I felt sleep just within my grasp…
But several times my body found some fault with the split second-imagery of my dreams and jolted me awake, leaving me frustrated, but not deterred.
I would prefer it to what happens next.
The final time I shut

I used to want to die.Take a look at this papers background… It’s blank right?
That’s what your life is every day if you do nothing about it.
The world is your canvas you paint it, not anyone else.
Pick up your paint brush and paint a beautiful sky that you want to see everyday
Or YOU choose to paint a tornado that takes everything from you, and eventually takes your life if you paint it too many times.
Trust me. It isn’t worth it. I know that’s it is hard, you tell me you can’t do it but you can. My God or your God believes you can get through this!
He believes that you are tougher than every person around you.
He believes th

I reread the note todayHe was so self-conscious that he began to come across as bizarre: a thin young man with gaunt cheekbones who slouched around the edges of conversations waiting for a chance to politely cut in, but to those more extroverted he seemed a creep or a voyeur. I knew him a year in silent passing before we had a conversation on the winding staircase beside the wall of windows.

Paused with intention, he stood above me and, backlit by a pale grey January morning, I could see all the blackened angles of his figure in contrast with his hands which rested bright upon the railing: smooth and golden, sparsely haired. When he smiled, he bared all his teeth,

Important You see a different side of a people when they sleep. Some people become rolling and boiling oceans, thrashing around in fits of emotional rage. Others become soft trains, riding down a long peaceful track. Even still, some make an unconscious decision to tell you their life story.
For me, my person becomes a beautiful place of serenity. Whilst he's awake, he's comical, vibrant, and alive. But sleeping, all of those wonderful attributes that make him him, they all become much quieter. All stress and anxiety seemingly disappear from under his radar, leaving only peace of mind and calm. While sleeping, he is more than beautiful.
Sleep is important. But for me, it is not for the reasons scientists say it is. It is a chance to find beauty in those around you where you may not commonly see it, Sleep is a chance to hold someone close, when you're too fearful while conscious.
Find your beauty. N

CrookedThere is an old nursery rhyme that tells us about the Crooked Man, and everything he had was crooked. I ask how one could live...live a crooked life. How could someone that is broken...stay in a broken house...surround himself with crooked things? I am my own crooked man, and I can give you the answer. You cannot live a crooked, broken life. Your soul, flesh, and bone may live, but you as a person cannot. Day by day, crooked events envelope you deeper...deeper...deeper into darkness. Crookedness is a demon that twists you...warps you...but it does not cause your pain. Some of us...some of us are destined for crookedness. I've led my life alon

Forever LetterDear You,

I've known you for a long time and I thought that we could tell
each other anything, but now I know it isn't true. I knew that
your condition was worsening, but I didn't know it was so bad.
I found out that you had cancer the other day. You tried to hide
it from me, but I found the chemo dates in that pocket in your
bag you thought hid everything from the world. From me. From
me, your only trusted person in the universe. And that's not all
I discovered.

Those chemotherapy dates were expired, past. You've been through
maybe six or seven tests now. And I talked to your doctor about
it and he told me that you have maybe three weeks l

SometimesSometimes, you feel like giving up. In your mind, you had given up all hope and all that’s left to do is to quietly disappear in a corner. Perhaps you didn’t have enough courage to continue moving on; afraid of failure, you stand still in the road called life, unsure of what to do next. Fear of being unable to stop what’s going to happen next, fear of being unable to prevent that same mishap from happening again, fear of falling again after that one thousand failures. Because of that fear, you’re moving further from me.

“Now all I want to do is forget this ever happened. Forget it all, go to sleep, and never wak

The Standard TwistWhat’s considered Normal
If we're all considered Odd,

Is Normal having no beliefs,
Is Normal loving God?

Is Normal picking up a smoke,
And lying down to rest,

Is Normal being better than you can be,
Is Normal really the best?

Is Normal a thing I can strive for,
Is it something I should be,

Is Normal the word you'd use to describe,
What you see when you see me?

In a world full of questions,
I like to ask myself,

If normal is something we aim for,
Why all those trophies on our shelves?

Because awards come from Oddity,
Where you do things with your heart,

And if you do them Normally,
You're hopeless from the start,

Oddity is what

A Stand for Sexuality.I’ve been waiting a while to get the chance and write this just to put it out there and try and make a difference. First of all;

Definition of Homosexual:
adjective
(of a person) sexually attracted to people of one's own sex.
• involving or characterized by sexual attraction between people of the same sex: homosexual desire.
noun
a person who is sexually attracted to people of their own sex.

Definition of Homophobia:
noun
an extreme and irrational aversion to homosexuality and homosexual people.

Now I guarantee that so many people who are homophobic or are uncomfortable with homosexuals, bisexuals, or anyone that is not hetero

If OnlyIf only you could understand the depths to which I hate myself; like a maniac bottled inside a cage with barbed wire around his throat. If only you could see the blood I've shed, bottled up and buried with the last remnants of my being, just to stop offending your eyes. If only you could fathom the horrors these two eyes have lived; so potent in the night, rendering me sleepless still. If only you could feel the fire burning in my chest; the relentless yearning transfixed behind thick walls of flesh. If only you could touch the longing; so desperate, like a fish that swims through sewers, calling out behind dark corners; begging for another l

Twisted SmilesI stand here looking at the cloudy sky above me. It smiles its most maniacal smiles and laughs as rain begins to pour from the murky heavens. I simply stare into the rain and begin to smile back.

It is my most delirious smile, full of mischief and laughter. The rain responds with a quiet gust of laughing wind. My twisted smile, it curves even further.

I take a deep breath and laugh, knowing that inside of this madness, that this is where I want to be. It is here where my heart desires to be, it is here where I belong, it is here where I am immersed in this sunken abyss.

The raven with his call of laughter, he never seemed so loud. Even in

This ManThis man is different from Pa. He's like a distinct reflection, making my world and understanding different than before.

Ma says that this man once told her that Pa was stupid to drop our family. After that, I always sat in my room--well, a room not MY room--wondering..........what was so special about my family? We're probably one of the worst families there is. A lost woman, now the head of a bunch of lost members, a dazed teenager, an isolated gamer, a quick tempered girl and two pets, who would want to choose us?

His family is more interesting. His wife is one of the religious group leaders at church, his daughter is a high school gradu

Blame and TrustNo one really thinks about it when they pick up the knife,

“Yo-ho! I’m here, the party can start now baby!” a girl with dark brown hair, it could be easily be mistaken as black in shadows. In truth there was a faint violent tang to it from her most recent hair-dye. She wore a black tank top and blue jeans there were broken on the knees. A black wrist band and her hair was clipped up making it spike and bounce with each step. Her shoes were black but had a white stripe on the very bottom. She also wore a dark azure ring on the opposite hand, around her middle finger. The way her right side of her face was a long thick hair l

Pre and Post Routine"Cut, cut, cut my skin
Take my pain away.
Quickity, quickity, quickity, quick
I wash it down the drain.

Now, now, let it bleed
Let them bleed away.
Soon, soon, they will heal
And scars they will be made."

I stood in front of the mirror, undressed with the shower on behind me. My face turned sour at my reflection making it all too easy to duck down and take the pencil sharpener blade from my pocket. Easily I could see the marks where my too-tight-bra would grip and began slicing inside those lines.

At first they weren't deep enough. Then I pressed harder and cut wildly on my side, back, the side of and underneath my breast, and then low in

to everyone who gave me a fav to everyone who gave me a fav thank you very much

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19

by ~bittersweetvenom, Oct 27, 2012, 3:48:25 AM
Literature / Prose / Non-Fiction / Emotional

morning
bloodtests
empty stomach
red rose
jagermeister
chocolate cherries
harmonica
handmade gift - Astarte
laying on the floor
paperwork
excessive heat
krushers shake
reservation
waiting on the hospital hallway
pshichiatric test
radiology
eye test
microscopes
colorblindness
skittles
KFC
piano
drums
supermarket
Redd's
piano
Comptine d'un autre été
Requiem for a dream
Clint Mansell
Ray Charles
The pink panther
Muse
Love
home
shower
make up
perfume
Alex waiting on the stairs
Realize I forgot to eat...all day
Cub.a
Puxa
Mircea
Cheers
Stroh
Tequila
Cosmo
Bailey's Bitch
Laughter
Sudden awkwardness
awkwardness gone
Astarte wishing me happy birthday with her mouth full of toothpaste
Astarte
Cristiana and Alex
Presents!
Red roses
summer loving
Rain
Run through the rain
La Dolce Vita
Budweiser
Amazing birthday suprise
Unexpected tiramisu cake
The yumms
Karaoke
Filming
Tiredness installs
Mircea
ride home
home
makeup off
bed
texting
more texting
opening presents
puxa's bracelet
puxa's "birthday card" that MUST be framed
20-hour day

Happy
Birthday

ZZZZZ.drooling on my pillow

19by ~bittersweetvenom

Literature / Prose / Non-Fiction / Emotional

©2012-2013 ~bittersweetvenom

My 19th birthday
Wrote this a day after, 13 July 2011
© Cristina Matei

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~ConvictionbyLarm Oct 27, 2012 Student General Artist

wow… it's beautiful… and a really long story, was it a day of yours?

Reply

~bittersweetvenom Oct 27, 2012 Student Photographer

My 19th birthday

Reply

Mood: Joy

~ConvictionbyLarm Oct 28, 2012 Student General Artist

oh

happy birthday

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